This is probably not one of my favorite topics to discuss
because I fall into the category of those that believe in
"reciprocation" when it comes to relationship. What that means in
simple term is that; I only care when the other person care. And when he/she
stops caring, then I stop caring too...
But that's not what love is all about, as a matter of fact,
reciprocation as it is; is the exact opposite of what love is. Love does not
care about what other people do in return; it's a one way thing in the literal
sense of it.
I am tempted to quote a portion of the scripture right now,
but I wouldn't because it would render this piece bias in its view. However,
all spiritual teachings, even free thinkers and atheist believe in a common
definition of love to be; an unconditional affection towards something or an
individual. This definition is fairly broad, but I would prefer to leave it
that way in other to drive home my point.
When something is defined as unconditional, it means no
matter what comes up, it remains the same, take for instance your birth parent
would always be your parent, either they are wealthy or poor. You would always
have the same finger print, even when you have grey hair. These are simple
examples most of us can relate to.
Obviously, some things are inseparable once they are
instituted. That's what the basis of love is. From this broad definition and
understanding, it's also obvious that it takes a lot of time to actually know
(or be sure) that you love someone.
Sadly, the sacredness of this word "Love" has lost
its value over years. Everybody now confess love, on social media, it's almost
everywhere. Even kids that can't spell the synonyms of "love"
correctly are also confessing love.
Before you go on to query/judge my perspective; let me point
out that the context of love in this sense is the one you have towards a
supposed friend in broad term, and in specific terms; the profession of love
towards a friend of opposite sex (I wouldn't have it other way because
homosexuality is not a choice in this regard).
As it is right now, the greatest amount of love you can get
from fellow human being would always come from your immediate family (mother or
father as the case may be). Often, children tend to love their mother more than
the father; at least before the onset of puberty when the mother becomes the
"enemy" as a result of strict discipline. (I still love my mother
more...) This is why I would be using the case of a mother's love towards her
child as a case study for this write-up.
Scientifically, it takes about nine month to conceive a
baby, during this period of nine months; the mother goes about carrying the
growing baby often in discomfort. She can't complain because she loves the
baby.
After birth, it takes about three years before the baby
starts differentiating between rights and wrong; so whatever the baby does
within that period of time is always the right thing with the mother. She can't
complain because she loves the baby.
From birth till adulthood, the mother would always bear the
responsibility of the child's error, I know most of you can relate to this
because often are times when you do something that gets your father upset, and
it’s the mother that would eventually solicit on your behalf. She does that
because she loves you.
Even when the child grows up and it's time to get married;
probably when the child brings the fiancé home; the mother would eventually
make ground rules, telling the wife to-be what she expects of her and all that.
She keeps looking out for you because she loves you.
The love of a mother towards her child spans a life time.
It's the basic prototype of what love really is. It defines the basis of what
love is all about;
- Time
- Endurance
- Corrections
- Acceptance
- Care.
I would discuss each of these points in a series manner, for
this particular edition, I would elaborate on Time and Endurance as a component
of love.
TIME: Love is all
about time. You can't really tell if you love somebody until you dedicate
enough time for them. And that's exactly what the mother does. She literally
puts her life on hold to watch you grow. In fact; for the first three years of
your life, you would always come first in every decision she makes.
Loving somebody takes time, and you can't fast track the
process. If it hasn't happened, it hasn't. You can only give it more time. And
hope it would work out.
In the youthful sense of it; you can't profess you love
someone until you've spent quality time with them, until you've known a larger
percentage of their character, until you can take a specific guess about what
they would do in certain circumstances.
So when next a stranger or fresh acquaintances with whom
you’ve not spend quality time with, walks up to you and tell you s/he loves
you. Educate him/her about love and time; tell him/her to go in peace and sin
no more.
ENDURANCE: When
the foetus keeps kicking in the mother's womb; it's not always comfortable.
During pregnancy, the mother is always feeding for two as a life is growing
inside of her. This makes it very difficult to eat whatever she wants, or go
out and do whatever she wants; she can't because she's pregnant, and she's carrying
the baby she loves.
Love endures; it doesn't get rid of others because it feels
uncomfortable about their presence and action. Have you ever seen a mother
abort her pregnancy because the baby keeps kicking in her womb and she feels
uncomfortable?
In the youthful sense of it; you can't profess you love
someone until you've endured and you're willing to keep enduring whatever comes
your way both. When s/he gets angry over small issue that doesn't make sense to
you, you endure! When s/he is broke and can't cater for your need, you endure.
So when a friend starts professing love, ask yourself if s/he
has been an enduring friend in time past.
Ask yourself how tolerable s/he is, if you can't give a
definite answer on a scale of 1-10. Be nice to the friend; educate him/her
about endurance and love. Tell them to enjoy the friendship until they understand
the basis of endurance.
So let me ask you a question, are you really in love with
whom you’ve profess your love?
For the fear of overwhelming you with what love is and what
love is not, I would put an end to this first series at the level of endurance,
the subsequent series will continue from this point, and you would be the first
to know when it’s published on the blog.