I was in a relationship for eight years before my ex and I got engaged, then broke it off because of the distance—my ex’s reason.
Not long after that I got into a two-year relationship with a man who loved, yet cheated on me. It was a messy breakup.
So after ten years in relationships, I found myself alone.
I’m 31 and single!
Recently some questions have bounced around in mind: What happened to me during those years? What did I get, gain, achieve in these two relationships? Why am I now alone? What will I do? How do I do things by myself?
Now what? Where to start?
I started to panic, to hyperventilate—until I found this quote:
“Single is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.”
Yes I am scared. I was so used to sharing everything. I was so used to having someone around.
But the reality is you are unique, and if you can’t enjoy being single, how can you enjoy being with someone else? And this is why you must do away with these self defeating thoughts at all cost
1.
Everyone else is coupling up – i must be doing something wrong.
You will agree with me that being in love is
not a competition that involves waiting to be picked. And if it’s not a
competition, you don’t need to worry about what everyone else is doing.
Just because
your girlfriends have found boyfriends or gotten engaged doesn’t make them
better than you. It just means their time came and yours will come too and when
it happens, it’ll be awesome.
2.
All the good men are taken.
No, they’re not.
Sure, it feels that way when you’re going on crappy date after crappy date but
remember: it only takes one. And like the princess in the fairytale, you’re
going to end up kissing a hell of a lot of frogs before you find him.
That’s not a
bad thing — it’s just the way it works. The frogs are lessons; they
teach you what you want/need and help you become ready when the right guy
appears. So don’t get cynical. Be rest assured that there’s a fantastic guy out
there who’s trudging through his share of lame girls looking for you.
3. If
I were sexy, hotter, smarter and more interesting, I’d have someone by now
Insecurity is
one of the most useless emotions. Think about it: What has it done for you
lately? Except maybe bum you out and keep you down. And the worst part: because
confidence is the single most attractive quality a person can have,
focusing on your weaknesses actually makes you less attractive.
No matter what you look like or what your
shortcomings are, love yourself — the more you behave like a desirable woman,
the more men respond to you as one. So the next time you catch yourself having
self-negating thoughts, tell yourself, you remain the best.
4. Am
not significant.
No, you are
wrong. The problem with you is how you empower circumstances and people around
you to shape and define who you are. No one out there is going to make you significant, happy and
unique if you don’t make yourself one. Those in a relationship aren’t better of
you. All you need do is to keep yourself busy for the right man.This lack of confidence in ladies makes Julie Delpy thinks that most women throw themselves into romance because they are afraid of being single, then start making compromises and losing their identity.
5. I’m
too picky- I should just settle
As long as you
don’t have outlandish expectations — like, he needs to look like a model
and be kind and be rich — you’re probably not being too picky. You’re probably
just looking for a guy that fits well with you and that’s okay. In fact, that’s
what exactly you should be looking for.
Just
because it’s taking a while, which is no surprise because a
real connection can take some time to find doesn’t mean you’re
doing something wrong.
And the next
time you catch yourself wondering if you want too much, remember: the biggest
difference between people who have more and those who have less is that the
ones who have more believe they deserve it.
In other words, what you expect is a
self-fulfilling prophecy. Accept less, become less, get less… Expect more,
become more, and get more. So, keep an open mind but do not settle for anyone that’s not worthy of you…
Believing in
your self is a sign that you are sincerely grateful for what you have, who you
are, and your abilities to succeed.
Wouldn't it
be powerful if you fell in love with yourself so deeply that you would do just
about anything if you knew it would make you happy? This is precisely how much
life loves you and wants you to nurture yourself. The deeper you love yourself,
the more the universe will affirm your worth. Then you can enjoy a lifelong
love affair that brings you the richest fulfilment from inside out.
Be happy overall...
