Relationships
are like plants. You can’t just bring home a plant, put it on a shelf and hope
it will grow strong and healthy. You have to nurture it, provide adequate
lighting and water to make it healthy.
Healthy
relationships encourage individuality and freedom, and provide room for
personal growth.
We are all different and there is no one way to a healthy
relationship, but there are certain qualities that are very key. These
include:
- Respecting individuality, embracing differences, and allowing each
person to “be themselves”
- Discussing things, allowing for differences of opinion, and
compromising equally
- Expressing and listening to each other’s feelings, needs, and
desires
- Trusting and being honest with yourself and your partner,
- Resolving conflicts in a rational, peaceful, and mutually agreed-upon
way
- Engaging in a way that eliminates controlling, manipulative, or
emotional and/or physical abuse
Other characteristics of a healthy relationship:
· *
Each person has individual rights
· *
Open communication
· *
Trust
·
* Equality in decision making
· *
Shared respect for each other values
· *
Respect for each person’s sexual boundaries
· *
Willingness to honestly discuss problem
· * Commitment
· *
Fun
· * Always using non-violent approaches to resolving
conflict
We all want the best for ourselves and our
relationship and sometimes a relationship begins positively and only gradually
takes more unhealthy forms when the qualities and characteristic listed above
gradually evade our relationships.
Let’s
take a look at some things that literally turns healthy relationships into
unhealthy ones.
(1)Deception:
There is no way to build a lasting, healthy relationship on a
foundation of dishonesty.
Honesty must be at the core
of a relationship; there is no substitute for it.
It is fashionable in our
day to treatise over unpleasant truth.
We deceive those we love, rationalizing that keeping secrets is
really for their good.
Dishonesty is a very hard
habit to break and addiction to this will definitely deteriorate the
relationship.
(2)Resentment:
Forgiveness
is a miraculous gift between two people. A relationship flourishes when we are
willing to forgive past hurts and disappointments.
Refusing to forgive is like carrying around a junk
bag full of hurts of the past. Every time someone makes a mistake, we toss it
into the bag and carry it with us forever.
There are no
junk bags in healthy relationships. Out of love, the partners take the hurt and
disappointment of the past and burn it up in the flames of forgiveness.
When we
unlock others from a past they cannot correct, we free them to become all they
can become, and we free our relationships to become all they can becomes as
well.
(3)Comparison:
This goes
for all sorts of comparisons. Comparing your partner with your ex, your best
friend, your childhood crushes, or your present relationship with previous ones
is a deadly trait.
You fail to fully appreciate what’s amazing
about your relationship because you’re preoccupied with the things you lack.
Focus on the good stuff, and really, just dwell on that.
(4)Self
interest:
In a healthy
relationship, each person finds joy in sharing in the other person’s growth, in
playing a role in completing the other.In an
unhealthy relationship the focus is on completing oneself.
This selfish dynamic
is at the heart of co-dependency.
Too many people fling half a person into a
relationship, expecting that it will be completed by the other. It never works.
No one can ever meet such expectations...
when the responsibility, resources
and inputs are done by a person and not the two, then the relationship has
become unhealthy.
(5)Failing to
share activities:
It is
important to take our partner’s passions and interests into account and to
engage in activities that we really share.
Love doesn’t
exist in a vacuum. Taking your time to relate is essential to sustaining
intimacy.
Consistently doing things that our partner perceives as loving will
also help keep the spark alive in your relationship.
(6)How You Handle Stress:
This is an
important part in your relationship and can break or make you stronger. When
stress enters your relationship, the key is how to handle it.
If you keep it to
yourself, it can have a negative impact on you and your relationship. Make sure
that whatever it is that you’re going through, you involve your partner and
talk it out.
(7)Lack of
communication:
This is a
big sign when things are going bad in a relationship. If one or both of you
avoid big discussions, then you don’t need a anyone to tell you that the
relationship isn’t going to last.
If you really value your partner, you will
take the first step in communicating problems, wants, desires or issues.
Now you must
have known that even the healthiest of relationships can start to turn bad
overtime if those factors listed above are not carefully considered.
Most relationships deteriorate and go
progressively downhill when things become too predictable
Signs you get when you are in an unhealthy
relationship:
·
Your tries
to control or manipulate you
·
Excessive
sexual jealousy
·
You can’t
trust your partner and you wonder what he/she is doing when they are not with
you
·
This person
does not like you to be close to other people
·
You feel
scared or uncomfortable around this person
·
Insults
·
Possessive
behaviour
It's
never too late to start over. If you weren't happy with yesterday, try
something different today. Don't stay stuck. Do better.
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